Manifest the Life you WANT!

Hello to all! It has been over a week since I’ve posted & I have been doing well, but my mind has been in a place of manifestation! What does that mean? I’ve been thinking, praying, & planning more than usual. I feel as if I am about to have a breakthrough spiritually, mentally, & physically. At this point I am not quite sure of the cause of this feeling, but something amazing is on the horizon! 🌈

Let me share a secret with you that you may or may not know but MANIFESTATION is real! I was not aware of the power of manifesting six or seven years ago. Since I became aware of the power of manifestation it has truly changed my life! The only difference between manifesting seven years ago & now is that I have different intentions, my mind is mentally in a better place, & I am ready for all the good that comes with manifestation! What I have learned is that you can not manifest your life unless you are ready to change your life & put in the mental work, before physically going after what you want!

Manifesting is a mindset! Manifesting your life will not come into fruition until you are mentally healthy. Seven years ago I was dealing with undiagnosed mental illness, I was being mentally & at times physically abused, & I was physically present but mentally absent! Yes! I said it! I was physically in toxic environment, and I had a toxic mindset. I was manifesting a happy life, I was manifesting breaking generational curses, I was manifesting success for myself & my children . Although I was planning all these things, I was not mentally prepared enough to make any changes or to take any actions!

I’m writing this because I feel it in my spirit that someone who is reading this now is more than likely where I was seven years ago. You are in a mentally bad place, & you’re trying to push through by manifesting all these great things, but it seems like one bad thing after another keeps happening & you just can not catch a break or make any progress towards making your life better. I want you to know that I’ve been there, & I kept asking myself “Why is my life not changing?” “Why am I not doing better?” “Do I have bad luck?”… I asked myself this for an entire year before I made the biggest step of my life!

Let’s just fast forward to the day it all came clear to me! It was June 2014, I was on a Ramstein Germany Airforce base & I told myself “No more!” No more just being physically present, while spiritually & physically broken & unable to live the life I desired & manifested daily! June 2014 I decided to put my mental health first! It sounds so small, but in order to manifest and actually see actions and change you have to be mentally healthy first!

Once I became mentally stable, I was able to better process my thoughts. Being able to process your thoughts & clearly understand what you are feeling, what you need to do, & how to make changes is the biggest key to being able to take the actions to manifest what you truly want! Once your mind is clear, and you have mental strength it’s easier to take actions and create the life you truly want. Remember it will not happen over night! I started off small with little challenges that helped me to reach big goals.

My first step was to get focused on what I wanted, & what was holding me back from what I wanted & needed to improve my life for myself & my two sons! I knew that apart of me being mentally unstable were the people around me, the environment , and the untreated trauma. I made a list of all I people, things, & places I needed to clear from my life, so I could have all those things I prayed for, thought of, & wanted to manifest! I filed for divorced, moved from my comfort zone, started Trauma Recovery Therapy, & no matter how much I hurt, how hard it got, or how many times I wanted to quit… Once I took that first step to improve my mental health I never looked back! I made up my mind, I set goals, I started to take action, & the life I wanted slowly started to manifest into what I had been wanting for years!

Manifesting is a mind thing! And the main reason I support Mental Health Awareness so often, is because I know what being mentally unstable looks like, I know how it holds you back, & keeps you from what you want & need in life! You can not manifest greatness or happiness if you are not mentally okay. No actions can not be taken for improvement without a healthy mindset! It took me over five years from June 2014, before I actually got to the point of manifesting with action & not just planning mentally with no actions behind it!

There is no set time frame on manifesting and creating the life you truly want! There’s no age limit or cap on manifesting! There is an unlimited amount of opportunity out there for you to be great! Start today, start next week, next month, or maybe even next year! But my prayer for you is to place your mental health first & manifest the life you want! Do not let nothing or no one (not even yourself) hold you back! You only have one life to live, get mentally prepared & step into your greatness! Mentally prepare, Manifest, & Master the life you want! You got this!

Comment 3 things you’re manifesting below! I’ll start!

✨Physically Healthy

✨Prosperous business

✨Mentally healthy, so I’m able to be the best me for the ones I love the most! (My Family💕)

If this blog resonates with you also checkout:

 

https://thepearl.blog/2021/06/01/set-your-intentions/

 

https://thepearl.blog/2021/04/13/when-should-you-seek-therapy/

 

https://thepearl.blog/2021/05/05/1001/

Also support the The Pearl Blog by commenting, shopping The Positive Mindset T-Shirt Merchandise, & most importantly by reading & finding healing or hope for yourself or by sharing and giving someone else hope! The Goal is to HEAL & GROW!

-Toni💕

Healing💜

Healing……

Hey There,

If you have been following me for awhile then you know that I am a mental health advocate and I support and promote all things mental health because I know and understand the struggles of mental illness. I advocate for mental health awareness, but I also believe it is ESPECIALLY important to seek help, discover, and speak about they whys of what you are going through mentally. Untreated mental illness is a major issue. Being unaware of mental illness and not seeking treatment can affect a person’s entire health in general. Mental Illness is not a death sentence, and I personally believe that it should be motivation to heal yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally.

I dislike when mental illness is used as an excuse or cover up for inappropriate behavior. There is treatment, therapy, and many other forms of help to assist with healing and growing through any type of mental struggle. In my personal experience I have tried medication when my mental health was spiraling. I have attempted acupuncture, therapy, yoga, exercise, and change of diet. What works for me the most is exercise, CONSISTENT therapy to hold me accountable and keep me on track, and my spiritually/mindfulness practices. What work for me, may not work for you! To better your mental health the first step should be to seek help and determine your own diagnosis through a mental health professional. I received more than one opinion when I was first diagnosed because I wanted to be sure.

The goal is to make an effort to improve your mental health so that you can grow! I have grown tremendously in the last five years and I know because there were some behaviors that I behaved five years ago because I was mentally unstable, that I would not behave today. Today I know that I am in a healing place in my life. There are some days that I have a hard time, but I do not revert to my old ways when I was not aware of my wrongdoings. So, the big question is how do you know when you are healing and growing?

Healing and growing are action words! To heal or grow you must first act! Before I was on my healing journey, I was not internally happy with myself. I remember beating myself up with negative thinking about my body, my actions, and just myself in general. Now, I give myself grace, and I remind myself I am not perfect, and I can make mistakes. A mistake or moment of weakness does not make you a bad person. It is never too late to notice an unhealthy behavior and correct yourself! Healing and growing require self-love and inner happiness and that comes from accepting who you are and where you have been. Keeping a positive mindset is one of the most powerful character traits a person can acquire. Positive mindset equals positive outcomes, and it sounds so simple but honestly building a positive mindset is a daily practice.

Self-affirmations are one of my favorite ways to practice positive mindset. I like to tell myself the positive things and allow myself to focus on the positives in my life. For example, I have PTSD, anxiety, depression, and OCD but the positive in it all is that I survived the trauma that led to those diagnoses. Not only did I survive the trauma, but I am living in my truth, I am attending therapy, and I have not quit. Each day I am working towards improving myself mentally. It is okay to acknowledge your past but living in your past and recreating those hurtful memories over and over will only leave you trapped in the past. To heal and grow you must acknowledge the past, accept the past, and release the past. Releasing your past helps with emotional and mental growth. Allowing yourself to live in the past is like torturing yourself mentally and emotionally, which is unhealthy and halts your growth!

I challenge you to do the following and see what happens when you allow yourself to heal and grow:

  • Allow yourself to feel happiness within yourself.
  • Do not allow self-doubt.
  • Keep a Positive Mindset
  • Allow Forgiveness
  • Focus on the present!
  • Stop holding on to the past.
  • Accept & Acknowledge your past!
  • Live in your truth.
  • Do not allow Shame or Fear of judgement
  • Accept and Embrace a renewed you!

If this blogs resonates with you, then I suggest the reading the following:

🌟https://thepearl.blog/2021/04/13/when-should-you-seek-therapy/

🌟https://thepearl.blog/2020/10/28/my-daily-planner/

Join The Pearl Blog Mental Health Forum on Facebook!

The Pearl Blog has created a Mental Health Forum where you can receive advice & support. Please join for updates & motivation! 🧘🏾‍♀️🎗💜 CLICK THE LINK BELOW TO JOIN NOW! ⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇
 

When should you seek Therapy?

When should you seek therapy?

Therapy is a topic that most recently became popular due to covid and all the mental stress that covid caused on everyone. Before covid I rarely heard therapy being advocated on social media, the news, or among family and friends. I did not even know I was a candidate for therapy because I pre-perceived that therapy was only need if you were suicidal. The idea of therapy made me nervous because the thought of sharing my most personal and hurtful experiences was embarrassing to me. Sadness was a regular feeling for me after the birth of my first son. Being diagnosed with postpartum depression and being told “black folks do not have that” by some of my uneducated peers what my first real experience with seeking help! Now that I am older and have experienced more, I find it important that I advocate mental health awareness and therapy. Therapy is an amazing tool for those dealing emotional distress or just can not figure out life. Often, I am asked, how did I know I needed therapy? And when should you seek help from a therapist?

The American Psychological Association suggests considering therapy when something causes distress and interferes with some part of life, particularly when:

  • Thinking about or coping with the issue takes up at least an hour each day.
  • The issue causes embarrassment or makes you want to avoid others.
  • The issue has caused your quality of life to decrease.
  • The issue has negatively affected school, work, or relationships.
  • You’ve made changes in your life or developed habits to cope with the issue.

Coming from someone with childhood and adult trauma I believe the proper time for therapy is after you experience something traumatic or know that you have changed but not for the better. Sometimes in life you just feel completely off, and you do not know why. When you are feeling like you do not know yourself it is time to seek help. I advise seeking help before you find yourself in a dark hard and unable to climb yourself out. I know firsthand that it is a scary feeling to ask for help. It is also a scary feeling to know that you have an issue, but not equipped with the tools to handle the issue. “Therapy has been like my bag of tools that I go to when I need to fix something”-Toni Murray. Honesty speaking therapy will not heal you overnight. Therapy takes time to work, and you must remain consistent, or you may not reap all the good benefits of therapy. Also, sometimes you will find a therapist and realize after a couple of visits that the therapist is just not a fit for you. It is okay to change therapist until you find the right fit for you. For example, I have had experiences with male therapist, but due to my past traumas it is hard for me to trust a male therapist or feel completely comfortable. Female therapist has worked out better for me and makes me feel more comfortable, but that does not mean there are not good male therapist out there for you. Do not give up, until you find the perfect fit. I encourage anyone that just need a listening ear to please seek therapy. Therapy can be a life changing experience in a beneficial aspect.

I will list the benefit of therapy that I have experienced below:

  • Feeling like I have support and someone I can speak to about anything.
  • Knowing that all my secrets and troubles can be released confidentially.
  • Receiving unbiased advice and criticism in the right way.
  • Being able to release and feel like a weight have been lifted after each session.
  • Having someone to hold me accountable.
  • Improving my everyday life and relationships
  • And emotional release that medication can not give me.

Let me know your experiences or lack thereof with therapy? I have listed some other blogs that relates below:

 

 

 

And just like that my life changed…..

And just like that my life changed……

How it all started:

I can remember it like yesterday, although it has been 8 whole years. I was in my first marriage, 9 months pregnant, & the most unhappy I have ever been in my life.  When you are deep into a situation it is hard to see the bigger picture. Any person that has been depressed, abused, or in an unhealthy relationship may describe that time in their life as “a fog”. The dictionary defines a fog as “something that obscures and confuses a situation or someone’s thought processes”. The years 2013-2015 were a fog to me. I can tell you that I reported in my Army uniform to work every day, I graduated from college, I had two children I was caring for, but I was not aware of my true feelings. The marriage was for “show purposes only” I was not loved, supported, or respected. Since I was not receiving love, support, or respect I became this shielded person. I walked around completely numb, and I always had this fake smile on my face to keep my coworkers, family, & friends unaware of what I was suffering through on a regular basis.

Why I never accepted help:

A week before my second child was born, I was holding onto a stairway pole with a death grip because my then husband was attempting to push me down the stairs. I was screaming over and over “what about the baby?” with no avail at all I was still being pushed. This incident was not the first time & unfortunately for me it would not be the last time. I would never involve my family in our problems but on this night in particular I was so afraid I called my mother and begged for her help. My mother was the only person in my family that was aware of the abuse, & she promised me she would never tell or call the police because I was threatened to have my children removed from my home by law enforcement before. Law enforcement would come to the house when I would call & tell me about all the resources available for me & say “just leave!”. What no one never understood is that leaving was the hardest part.

Why I could not leave:

Leaving is the hardest part. Why is leaving hard? To leave a toxic situation you must first have CONFIDENCE! I was often beaten down verbally, so I lacked confidence and self-esteem. Beautiful was not in my vocabulary, never felt like   I mattered, and I never felt like I was enough. I can admit now that I had become co-dependent, and I was in the cycle of abuse, love, sorry, separate, makeup, & things improving. Then back through the same cycle all over again. Did I think of how I could leave this man yes, but I never would actually leave longer than a month. Even when he cheated on me on a regular basis, I still would make excuses for him and blame myself. The young twenty-four-year-old me thought I could change him, or that he would change if I did better as his wife. He never changed and he never made me and our kids his number one priority. This marriage scarred me so deeply inside and I was so broken that I contemplated suicide just to get out of the toxicity. Before I met him, I was a happy & free-spirited individual that lived life to the fullest. I lost all of myself in him.

How I planned my exit:

When I look back today, I know exactly when I decided I was done, and nothing or no one could stop me from going. March 2014 my grandma passed, and I also was deployed to Afghanistan. Afghanistan was the best thing to happen to me…. sounds crazy right? I was in a combat zone, but it was the first time I felt safe, the first time I felt free, and the first time I realized what I had allowed to happen to me over the las five years. While in Afghanistan I started to think of my exit plan. Although my life was on the line every day, I was still very aware that if I survived this deployment I did not want to go back home to another war. My tour in Afghanistan ended earlier than I expected, and I was thrown back into the lion’s den. My ex had changed while I was gone, he showed me a different side as if he had changed his behaviors, which led us into living together again with our children…only for me to discover that he had not changed at all.

How I left:

We stayed together seven months after I returned from that deployment. I was mentally, physically, & emotionally burnt-out. I had physical injuries from my deployment, but I also had some deep mental scars that I needed help with. Mentally I was a complete wreck, so my first step was to ensure I stayed in therapy. I participated in trauma recovery therapy every week during those seven months and slowly but surely my mind, my confidence, my courage, & my will power began to grow immensely. When I started to look in the mirror, I seen a woman I did not recognize, someone that I was not before I boarded that flight to Bagram, Afghanistan. My first step to leaving was to have all my financials in order. I started stashing back extra funds, I placed my kids in permanent childcare, and I found a divorce lawyer.  Through out this entire process I acted as if nothing was different, and I prepared to go to war again. March 2015, I had him served with divorce papers, and at this point my mind was completely made up. My mind was set, and I was not afraid of what could happen next. I had informed my company commander of everything that was transpiring, and I had support of friends and family, which made the process easier for me and my two boys. My ex-husband did not want the divorce, & he attempted on many occasions to convince me I was not sure. Not even three weeks after I had filed, he had moved into a place with one of the women he was cheating with throughout the marriage…& it was then I knew I had made the best decision for me & my children!

Fast forward 8 years later:

Currently I am retired from the Army, and although my life in not perfect, I am happy & genuinely free. As for my ex-husband he and I share the boys. He currently has visitation rights with some restrictions, and I can say now that he is still the narcissistic man I was married to, but it does not directly affect me as much because now I am confident, respected, loved, & practically fearless. I have remarried an amazing man that loves me & accepted my boys as his own. My husband and I have a daughter & currently we are expecting our baby boy Mj! My marriage is not perfect, but my relationship is not toxic, and I enjoy that. I am still guarded but in a good way. Since my experience I am now aware of who I am. No one can change my perspective of myself regardless of what they say or how they feel. The confidence I have today is unmatched and can not be touched. The hardest part used to be that I had to share my boys with someone who hurt immensely. Therapy has allowed me to separate the relationship him and I had from the relationship that my boys needed with their father. There are days my boys ask why their dad and I are divorced, and I have not given them a complete honest answer, instead I say mommy and daddy grew apart and decided to move on. One day when the boys are older and understand life more, I will have that conversation with them. For now, I just want my boys to enjoy life, and figure out who people are on their own through their actions.

As for me…

As for me, I currently run The Pearl Blog, which I started as a place to share my life experiences. I have experienced so much trauma in my short thirty-one years of life. Sharing my trauma, giving life advice, and revealing how I got through it is my purpose now. My goal in life is to help anyone who have experienced trauma or is experiencing trauma. I want all who are hurting to know there can be healing after hurting, and you can grow strength & learn through your life trauma. Trauma does not have to be the end of your life. There is healing and growing after trauma. You can follow my Instagram page @healingandgrowing_ to see how I am healing and growing through my own personal trauma. You can also shop The Pearl Blog merchandise, which was inspired by my life trauma and experiences.

 

If this blog helped you at all, I also suggest the following:

 

 

There is Light at the End of the Tunnel

The light at the end of the Tunnel…

Cambridge Dictionary defines the light at the end of the tunnel as “signs of improvement in a situation that has been bad for a long time, or signs that a long and difficult piece of work is almost finished”.

Recently I have discussed the trials that I personally have experienced during the pandemic as well as what I have experienced during the 1st trimester of my fourth pregnancy. I described in my last blog titled “This too Shall Pass” how depression had taken a course on me. Yes, the pandemic has been challenging and, starting around the beginning of November 2020 I began to feel isolated, as if I were sucked into a dark place and I could not escape. I am a mental health awareness advocate, because being a combat veteran, and a sexual abuse survivor I know that mental illness is real and challenging.

I have remained in therapy for over 6 years on & off, and while in trauma recovery therapy I have acquired ways to cope with my own mental illness. I was educated about the tools that I could use when I feel sucked in by darkness. I believed before November 2020, that I was mentally tough & able to conquer anything that comes my way with the tool bag that my therapist had equipped me with. It was not until January of this year that I realized I had been isolated and in darkness since November, and I felt cold, secluded, depressed, and that dark place had become my everyday life. I describe it as “the darkness” because when I start feeling this way, nothing or no one can make me happy. It literally feels like being locked in a dark room, and not being able to get out.

In society today there are rarely mentions of depression, or mental illness and I want anyone reading this who may also deal with “the darkness” that depression causes, to know you are not alone! Struggling with depression triggers you to second guess who you are, and your purpose in life. I had been depression since November until recently I was sitting on the bed in my bedroom, and even with blacked out curtains the sun had seeped through my windowsill and I could see the light from the sun peeping through. It was only a glimpse of light, but when I noticed it, I began to smile, and I realized that God was sending me a personal sign. My higher source was assuring me there is always light at the end of the tunnel. I got up that day and although I was not 100% okay, I had the strength to clean, cook, sing, dance, & smile. I felt like I had been revitalized or brought back from the dead.

There is light at the end of the tunnel. With so much transpiring in the world from politics, injustices, death, and the pandemic the effects of depression are happening to the happiest people. But I want to inform you that depression is not a sign of weakness or a character flaw. Never feel ashamed because depression can literally happen to anyone. Do not allow the depression to win, allow some light into your life. A new you, a happier you, and a happier phase in your life is possible. If you are an someone who deal with depression know that your life has a purpose! You were placed here for a reason. Aligning with your Purpose is not always going to be an easy task, but if you just focus on the small amount of light in your life there is a chance to turn the sadness into happiness, darkness into light, and what feel like the end, into a new beginning. There is also assistance our there if you need it. I have listed resources below that may be helpful. I wish you joy and happiness during this time, and my prayer is that you or I never give up, because there is always light at the end of the tunnel!

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/education-awareness/shareable-resources-on-depression.shtml

https://youtu.be/lQhpetkwWnM

 

Mental Health Awareness..Top 5 Tips 💜

 

Mental health is one of those issues that are barely spoken on, and usually hidden because of shame. October 10, 2020 is Mental Health Awareness day and I wanted to personally give some tips to better your mental health. I have struggled with mental illness throughout the years and I want to make it clear that you are not alone! I will list my top five Mental Health tips below!

ThePearlBlog