Father’s Matter ❤️

🙏🏾Growing up with or without a father molds who you will become as an adult. Before I go any further, I would like to say “fathers matter”! I never knew how much not having my dad present on a regular basis would affect me growing up into a woman! My dad passed April 28, 2018 and it stills feels like just yesterday to me. He was in and out as a child, but due to a tragic event in 2007 we became a constant part of each other’s lives from high school until the day he passed. My dad was the funniest man I ever met; this man will make you laugh so hard you would pee on yourself. He always was smiling, and I loved that about him. He came to live with me when I returned from Afghanistan and we became the father and daughter I always wanted…we were more like friends than anything else. My boys loved “papa mike” and that made me feel good to hear them call him papa! Life has a crazy way of working itself out though.

Miss you ❤️

My dad health declined again and it was left to me his oldest child to handle everything and still until this day I battle with if I made the right medical decisions on his behalf. The day before my father passing, I told him “dad you can let go, I will take care of my brother and I will be okay” I sung to him “My God is Awesome” he liked when I would sing and often teased me for replaying the same songs over and over in the car. That next day at 0500 I received the call, and knew he was finally at peace. I miss him, and I struggle because I often grieve that daddy-daughter relationship that I craved so bad as a child. I have forgiven him for his absence in my childhood and I love him knowing we ended on good terms! If you have a father or father figure hold them a little closer today! Rest In HEAVEN Pops! I miss you and love you forever! ❤️

April Blues

April Blues!

Tomorrow we enter into to April 2021, & since April of 2018 when I lost my father I have always experienced what I call “April Blues” . The entire month of April I usually feel fatigued, sad, depressed, discouraged, & angry because I feel like a piece of me is missing here on earth and I want him back! My father was a funny man. He was the type of guy to walk in a room and immediately make you laugh because he would say a random of the wall joke! When I lost him my first thought was why now? Why right now when we have built a bond, he has changed his life, and my babies know & love their Papa! So, every April since then I would sit in sorrow & grief and just not allow myself to enjoy the life that I still had to live. This year I will be 32, and I guess you can say I have grown mentally, spiritually, & emotionally because I do not want to sit in sadness & grief this April! This April I will be following the theme of “A healing April” So how will I focus on healing instead of grief and sorrow in April? Let me tell you!

 

The 1st issue I will be focused on in the month of April!

Firstly, I am one of the most open and authentic people ever. I am open about my life, and I am transparent because I know there is someone experiencing the exact same issue. One of my flaws that I am aware of is impulsivity!  I have the tendency to act without thinking. Acting without thinking has been one of my flaws since I was a teenager. I am the woman that will send that rude response out of anger, and feel bad five minutes after, or I will make an impulsive purchase that I regret later. Acting on impulse is something I am working on intensively within myself. In the month of April my 1st goal is to stop being impulsive, examine motives carefully with regards of my current circumstances and in regard to others who may be affect by my impulsiveness.

 

The 2nd issue I will be focused on in the month of April!

Believe it or not I am one of the most confident women I know, but I also am my biggest critic. I am harder on myself than anyone else around me. Confidence is a topic I preach on, but I am not always confident in myself. Although I have accomplished a lot, I often question if I have done enough? or am I doing enough now? Enjoying the rewards of my work & uplifting myself is my second goal for the month of April. I will encourage myself more and speak prosperity over my life. Speaking prosperity over my life includes rewarding myself, congratulating myself on creating resources that will allow me to reach goals for my future, and allow myself to enjoy those small accomplishments and all the little things in life!

 

The 3rd & biggest issue I will be focused on in the month of April!

I will not allow sorrow to keep me depressed or shut off for a long period of time. Grieving, feeling overwhelmed, or depression are common, but I do not want to experience another month of full sadness. Life is short! There will be sorrow, disappointment, & moments when you feel completely burnt out. Which is why my 3rd and most important goal for the month of April is to avoid becoming trapped in negative thinking. I have accepted my situation, and I know something better will emerge in place of what was lost. Depression has been a struggle for me because I have trauma and I have experienced some major losses, but I want to try something different this year and see how I feel at the end of the month.

 

Final Thought:

Life is hard! It does not matter your circumstances, who you are, or where you are from…We all have troubles, pain, & unspoken issues that we deal with every day. My only hope is that you take some time to reassess and allow yourself room to heal! Healing does not happen overnight. I have remained in trauma recovery therapy for over six years, and I know for certain I am not healed completely, but I am striving to heal every day. I hope you are too! Healing is worth not Hurting! I promise!

 

If this blog resonates with you, I also suggest you read the following:

Grieving is normal…

In my years of living I have seen my fair share of death, but there are a few that really broke my whole heart. I have seen death a few times too many, & even once thought I wanted to be a mortician. I know death is supposed to happen & that we all must leave this hell hole here on earth! The hard part for me is the absence. My maternal grandma passed in 2002, I was too young to understand. I just knew we visited her a lot, and then one day those visits stopped. I remember going to her funeral and seeing my mother upset, but I did not quite understand her pain and I do not even remember if I cried.

The first experience I had with grieving and death was with my grandma Ruth. My grandma Majorie Ruth was the sweetest woman on earth. My grandmother was a strong woman, and I seen nothing from her but strength. I never seen her cry, I never seen her worry, I never seen her fret about anything and that is why I desired to be half the woman she was. She was married to my grandfather for many of years and was loyal! When my grandfather passed, I did not see her upset, I watched her bury her husband with dignity and comfort her sons as if she herself was not hurting. Majorie was just an amazing woman in general. My father was not always active, but that did not stop my grandma from showing up and making sure my brother & I knew we were loved deeply by her. She just always always impressed me with her strength. Even when she was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer, she comforted me and told me she would be okay, not to worry. She and I had been through storms together, she just always covered me & never let me get wet! Although I served in the Army, she was the true solider down to her final breath. She was so strong, and prideful that she waited to the exact moment I was not there to pass on. I was so hurt and upset by her passing while I was not by her side. Until I realized that she waited because she did not want me there, she did not want me to watch her die. After she passed it was like I had a dark cloud over my head and there were no sunny days. The pain I felt inside is still indescribable, but I do remember feeling like I wish I had died with her. I would wake up and wish I were dreaming. I would wake up, and realize she is really gone & I felt numb like my heart had left from my body.

Grieving for my grandma was the first time I lost someone so close to me that it affected me physically, mentally, & emotionally. I literally thought I could not live without my Majorie…& then I deployed to Afghanistan and had to tuck my feelings away to protect myself from being distracted. Over the years I still cry on her birthday, and October during breast cancer awareness month I always feel a little blue. I have healed and improved some, but I still miss her, and I cry when I think of wanting to hear her voice. I sometimes play her voicemails just to hear her voice, and to make sure I do not forget her. I know she is my personal angel because I have seen her in spirit and she is around me because I feel it and I know.

This platform is so important to me because it was inspired by the hurt that I feel when I think of my Majorie. To lose her was a punch to the gut, and to lose my dad 4 years later was a total TKO! My father Mike was the funniest man I ever knew. He was in and out my life as I grew up, but he would always show up to make sure my brother & I did not forget his presence. He would come bearing gifts, and he often bought me nice jewelry that I always lost. He was always gentle with me, and he never once that I can remember raised his voice to me or said anything hurtful to me, although I have given him a few bad words. He was just always there being silly, trying to make me laugh. My dad had this contagious laugh, and it was a unique laugh that if you heard it, you knew it was him. After suffering a brain injury he was different and he actually forgot a lot about how he was not as active in my childhood so that gave us space to grow and start a new father and daughter relationship & I can honestly say I enjoyed getting to know him all over again the last 8 years of his life, he and I became so close. He lived with me & my children even got to know their Papa! We spent Thanksgiving together, Christmas, and we just had so many great memories that we got to create before he left this earth. I miss him so much, and my prayer is always that he knew I love him, and that he is proud. There is no handbook on grieving and even the written books on grieving do not help because each person grieves differently. For me I look at the small things for comfort. I often see red birds & rainbows in the sky on days when I feels the saddest, and I believe it is just a sign from my personal angels letting me know it is going to be okay. Today was a tough day, and as I sat in the line at Starbucks a small rainbow sat in the clouds and that gave me comfort. If you have lost someone you love, I suggest you find your way to grieve and do not allow anyone to tell you how to grieve. Look for the small positives that make you smile. Always keep your head up and know this too shall pass. Pain is temporary, and it will not last forever. If ever you want to chat, please subscribe to my blog, and add your commentary below. I am here to support & grow with you!

-Toni

Grieving is normal…

In my years of living I have seen my fair share of death, but there are a few that really broke my whole heart. I have seen death a few times too many, & even once thought I wanted to be a mortician. For me death is something I know death is supposed to happen & that we all must leave this hell hole here on earth! The hard part for me is the absence. My maternal grandma passed in 2002, I was too young to understand. I just knew we visited her a lot, and then one day those visits stopped. I remember going to her funeral and seeing my mother upset, but I did not quite understand her pain and I do not even remember if I cried.

The first experience I had with grieving and death was with my grandma Ruth. My grandma Majorie Ruth was the sweetest woman on earth. My grandmother was a strong woman, and I seen nothing from her but strength. I never seen her cry, I never seen her worry, I never seen her fret about anything and that is why I desired to be half the woman she was. She was married to my grandfather for many of years and was loyal! When my grandfather passed, I did not see her upset, I watched her bury her husband with dignity and comfort her sons as if she herself was not hurting. Majorie was just an amazing woman in general. My father was not always active, but that did not stop my grandma from showing up and making sure my brother & I knew we were loved deeply by her. She just always always impressed me with her strength. Even when she was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer, she comforted me and told me she would be okay, not to worry. She and I had been through storms together, she just always covered me & never let me get wet! Although I served in the Army, she was the true solider down to her final breath. She was so strong, and prideful that she waited to the exact moment I was not there to pass on. I was so hurt and upset by her passing while I was not by her side. Until I realized that she waited because she did not want me there, she did not want me to watch her die. After she passed it was like I had a dark cloud over my head and there were no sunny days. The pain I felt inside is still indescribable, but I do remember feeling like I wish I had died with her. I would wake up and wish I were dreaming. I would wake up, and realize she is really gone & I felt numb like my heart had left from my body.

 Grieving for my grandma was the first time I lost someone so close to me that it affected me physically, mentally, & emotionally. I literally thought I could not live without my Majorie…& then I deployed to Afghanistan and had to tuck my feelings away to protect myself from being distracted. Over the years I still cry on her birthday, and October during breast cancer awareness month I always feel a little blue. I have healed and improved some, but I still miss her, and I cry when I think of wanting to hear her voice. I sometimes play her voicemails just to hear her voice, and to make sure I do not forget her. I know she is my personal angel because I have seen her spirit and she is around me because I feel it and I know.

This platform is so important to me because it was inspired by the hurt that I feel when I think of my Majorie. To lose her was a punch to the gut, and to lose my dad 4 years later was a total TKO! My father Mike was the funniest man I ever knew. He was in and out my life as I grew up, but he would always show up to make sure my brother & I did not forget his presence. He would come bearing gifts, and he often bought me nice jewelry that I always lost. He was always gentle with me, and he never once that I can remember raised his voice to me or said anything hurtful to me, although I have given him a few bad words. He was just always there being silly, trying to make me laugh. My dad had this contagious laugh, and it was a unique laugh that if you heard it, you knew it was him. After suffering a brain injury he was different and he actually forgot a lot about how he was not as active in my childhood so that gave us space to grow and start a new father and daughter relationship & I can honestly say I enjoyed getting to know him all over again the last 8 years of his life, he and I became so close. He lived with me & my children even got to know their Papa! We spent Thanksgiving together, Christmas, and we just had so many great memories that we got to create before he left this earth. I miss him so much, and my prayer is always that he knew I love him, and that he is proud. There is no handbook on grieving and even the written books on grieving do not help because each person grieves differently. For me I look at the small things for comfort. I often see red birds & rainbows in the sky on days when I feels the saddest, and I believe it is just a sign from my personal angels letting me know it is going to be okay. Today was a tough day, and as I sat in the line at Starbucks a small rainbow sat in the clouds and that gave me comfort. If you have lost someone you love, I suggest you find your way to grieve and do not allow anyone to tell you how to grieve. Look for the small positives that make you smile. Always keep your head up and know this too shall pass. Pain is temporary, and it will not last forever. If ever you want to chat, please subscribe to my blog, and add your commentary below. I am here to support & grow with you!

-Toni

I Am Human❤

𝐀𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐚 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐆𝐨𝐝… 𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐇𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐧! 𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐦𝐲 𝐛𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐜! 𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐨𝐧 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐭! 𝐈 𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐠𝐞 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟; 𝐈 𝐩𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟…. 𝐒𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐲 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐈 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐇𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐧! 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟-𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩 𝐣𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐲 𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐲. 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐬𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 “𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞, 𝐧𝐨 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥 & 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐰 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮”, & 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐈 𝐟𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟. 𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐚 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐛𝐞 𝐞𝐱𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲 𝐚𝐭 𝟎𝟒𝟎𝟎 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐈 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐨𝐮𝐭, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐡𝐞a𝐫 𝐚 𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐈’𝐥𝐥 𝐁𝐞 𝐌𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐛𝐲 𝐏𝐮𝐟𝐟 𝐃𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐲 & 𝐅𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐄𝐯𝐚𝐧𝐬 𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝟏𝟏𝟐 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐨 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦y 𝐤𝐢𝐝𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐥 & 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐞 𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤 𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐈 𝐢𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐲 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫.

𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐛𝐞 𝐚 𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐠, 𝐚𝐧 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐞, 𝐚 𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐲, 𝐚 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭, 𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐬𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐫𝐨𝐩 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧 & 𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 & 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐤 𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐡en will 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐠𝐨? 𝐓𝐨𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐈 𝐰𝐨𝐤𝐞 𝐮𝐩 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐤 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡. 𝐈 𝐰𝐨𝐤𝐞 𝐮𝐩 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐮𝐭, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐩𝐥𝐚yed 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐋𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐕𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐬 “𝐇𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐚 𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐞” & 𝐦𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐤𝐢𝐝𝐬 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐟𝐚𝐬𝐭…𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐧𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐦𝐞, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐧 𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐤𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐈 𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐦𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐢𝐭 𝐮𝐬𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝! 𝐈 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐫𝐲, 𝐈 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐚 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐦𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐦𝐞 & 𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐈 𝐤𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐲! 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐮𝐩𝐬𝐞𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐬 𝐚 𝐪𝐮𝐨𝐭𝐞 𝐨𝐧 𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝 “𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐇𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐧! 𝐈 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥, 𝐈 𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐞, 𝐈 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧, 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐕𝐄, 𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐇𝐔𝐌𝐀𝐍, 𝐈 𝐀𝐌 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐅𝐄𝐂𝐓…𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐊𝐅𝐔𝐋”! 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐪𝐮𝐨𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐝 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 “𝐈 𝐀𝐌 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐅𝐄𝐂𝐓” !

𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐬𝐞𝐱𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐠𝐨𝐚𝐥 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 “𝐢𝐧 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥” 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞! 𝐖𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞, 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐨𝐜𝐮𝐬 𝐭𝐨o 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐨𝐧 𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐦: 𝐩𝐞𝐫·𝐟𝐞𝐜·𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧·𝐢𝐬𝐦 is the 𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐮𝐬𝐚𝐥 𝐭𝐨 𝐚𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐩𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧. 𝐕𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐞𝐱𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐮𝐦𝐚 𝐨𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐬. 𝐎𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐜𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐜𝐭 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐢𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐚𝐬 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞! 𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 & 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐞… & 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐬𝐚𝐲 𝐢𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐞! 𝐍𝐨 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐫 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧… & 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐦 𝐈 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭 & 𝐢𝐧 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥. 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐈 𝐨𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐦 𝐭𝐫𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐤𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐝 𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐭 𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐝𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐥𝐲 𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 & 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐨 𝐛𝐚𝐝𝐥𝐲 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐠𝐨 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥 & 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬! 𝐒𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐤 𝐈 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐜𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐁𝐞 𝐇𝐔𝐌𝐀𝐍, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥 & 𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐞 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧, 𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐋𝐈𝐕𝐄, & 𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭… 𝐈 𝐀𝐌 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐊𝐅𝐔𝐋! 𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞, 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐞, 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭 𝐬𝐲𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐦, 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐫𝐭, 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐲, 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐬𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐲 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐇𝐔𝐌𝐀𝐍! 𝐈𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐠𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐲, 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐨 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐇𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐧, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥 & 𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐞 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧! 𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐝𝐚𝐲, 𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐜𝐢𝐫𝐜𝐮𝐦𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐩 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐟𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬! 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝, & 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡!

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