HAVE YOU GRABBED YOUR COPY YET?

Are you someone who has been through trauma or trials in life and has recently been thinking about working on your healing to better yourself? If so, this is the perfect e-book for you! Start your healing for only $17.17 by downloading my e-book! (Click link in Bio) This e-book is a great way to improve your mental health and start your healing journey! After you download it, you can share it with someone else who may need some healing. The only way to create a better life after trauma is to start healing!ย 
The Pearl Blog Presents: The Healing Journey Healing & Growing One Day at a Time! It is an online E-book that discusses the healing journey. What is healing? How do you start the healing journey? How do you recognize unhealed wounds? What techniques should you use to begin your healing journey? There are so many great resources here! You will have a different perspective on healing after reading this E-Book!!!

๐Ÿ’•Update!!!!

๐Ÿ‘‹๐Ÿพ๐—›๐—ฒ๐˜† ๐—›๐—ฒ๐˜† ๐—›๐—ฒ๐˜†!

๐—œ ๐—ฎ๐—บ ๐—ณ๐˜‚๐—น๐—น ๐—ผ๐—ณ ๐—ฎ๐—ฑ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ๐—ป๐˜๐˜‚๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐˜€ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐˜€๐—ฒ ๐—ฑ๐—ฎ๐˜†๐˜€!
๐—œ ๐˜„๐—ฎ๐—ป๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐˜๐—ผ ๐˜€๐—ต๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ ๐—ฎ๐—ป ๐—ผ๐—ฝ๐—ฝ๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐˜๐˜‚๐—ป๐—ถ๐˜๐˜† ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฎ๐˜ ๐—ฐ๐—ฎ๐—บ๐—ฒ ๐—บ๐˜† ๐˜„๐—ฎ๐˜†
๐˜„๐—ถ๐˜๐—ต ๐—ฎ๐—น๐—น ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚!

๐—œ ๐—ต๐—ฎ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ ๐—ฝ๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐˜๐—ป๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐˜„๐—ถ๐˜๐—ต ๐—ฎ ๐—ก๐—˜๐—ช ๐—ฎ๐—ฐ๐˜๐—ถ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ๐˜„๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐—ฟ ๐—ฏ๐—ฟ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฎ๐˜ ๐—œ
๐—ฎ๐—บ ๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—น๐—ฝ๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด ๐˜๐—ผ ๐—น๐—ฎ๐˜‚๐—ป๐—ฐ๐—ต. ๐—œ ๐˜„๐—ฎ๐˜€ ๐˜€๐˜‚๐—ฝ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ ๐—ต๐—ฒ๐˜€๐—ถ๐˜๐—ฎ๐—ป๐˜ ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ๐—ฐ๐—ฎ๐˜‚๐˜€๐—ฒ ๐—บ๐˜† ๐—ฝ๐—น๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ฒ ๐—ถ๐˜€ ๐—ณ๐˜‚๐—น๐—น ๐˜„๐—ถ๐˜๐—ต ๐—ฎ ๐—ป๐—ฒ๐˜„๐—ฏ๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐—ป & ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—ฒ ๐—ผ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—ฟ ๐—ธ๐—ถ๐—ฑ๐˜€, ๐—ฝ๐—น๐˜‚๐˜€ ๐—ผ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—ฟ ๐—ฐ๐—ผ๐—บ๐—บ๐—ถ๐˜๐—บ๐—ฒ๐—ป๐˜๐˜€ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฎ๐˜ ๐—œ ๐—ฐ๐˜‚๐—ฟ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—ป๐˜๐—น๐˜† ๐—ต๐—ฎ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ, ๐—ฏ๐˜‚๐˜ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ถ๐˜€ ๐˜„๐—ฎ๐˜€ ๐˜€๐˜‚๐—ฐ๐—ต ๐—ฎ ๐˜€๐—ถ๐—บ๐—ฝ๐—น๐—ฒ ๐—ฎ๐—ฑ๐—ฑ๐—ถ๐˜๐—ถ๐—ผ๐—ป ๐˜€๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ฐ๐—ฒ ๐—œ ๐—ฎ๐—บ ๐—ฎ๐—น๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐—ฑ๐˜† ๐˜„๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด ๐—”๐—ฐ๐˜๐—ถ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ๐˜„๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐—ฟ ๐——๐—”๐—œ๐—Ÿ๐—ฌ. ๐—œ ๐—ฐ๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—น๐—ฑ ๐—ป๐—ผ๐˜ ๐—ฝ๐—ฎ๐˜€๐˜€ ๐—ถ๐˜ ๐˜‚๐—ฝ.

๐Ÿค”๐—ง๐—ต๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ธ:
-๐Ÿ’ฐ๐—ก๐—ฒ๐˜„ ๐—ฐ๐—ผ๐—บ๐—ฝ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐˜† ๐—ถ๐—ป ๐—ฃ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—น๐—ฎ๐˜‚๐—ป๐—ฐ๐—ต ๐—ฝ๐—ต๐—ฎ๐˜€๐—ฒ
-๐—Ÿ๐˜‚๐—น๐˜‚๐—น๐—ฒ๐—บ๐—ผ๐—ป ๐—พ๐˜‚๐—ฎ๐—น๐—ถ๐˜๐˜† ๐—ฎ๐˜ ๐—บ๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ ๐—ฎ๐—ณ๐—ณ๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐—ฑ๐—ฎ๐—ฏ๐—น๐—ฒ ๐—ฝ๐—ฟ๐—ถ๐—ฐ๐—ฒ ๐—ฝ๐—ผ๐—ถ๐—ป๐˜
-๐—•๐—ฒ ๐—ฎ๐—ป ๐—ฎ๐—บ๐—ฏ๐—ฎ๐˜€๐˜€๐—ฎ๐—ฑ๐—ผ๐—ฟ ๐—ณ๐—ผ๐—ฟ ๐—ฎ ๐—ฏ๐—ฟ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฎ๐˜ ๐—ต๐—ฎ๐˜€ ๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ฐ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—ฑ๐—ถ๐—ฏ๐—น๐—ฒ
๐—ฝ๐—ผ๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ป๐˜๐—ถ๐—ฎ๐—น.

  • ๐—ช๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐—ฟ ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐˜€๐—ต๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ!!
    ๐—ฆ๐—ผ ๐—ฏ๐—ผ๐˜๐˜๐—ผ๐—บ ๐—น๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ฒโ€ฆ๐—œ ๐—ด๐—ฒ๐˜ ๐˜๐—ผ ๐—ด๐—ฒ๐˜ ๐—ฑ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐˜€๐˜€๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐—ถ๐—ป ๐—ด๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐—ด๐—ฒ๐—ผ๐˜‚๐˜€
    ๐—ฐ๐—น๐—ผ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐˜€ ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐˜€๐—ต๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—บ ๐˜„๐—ถ๐˜๐—ต ๐—ฎ๐—น๐—น ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚ ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐˜‚๐˜๐—ถ๐—ณ๐˜‚๐—น ๐—ฝ๐—ฒ๐—ผ๐—ฝ๐—น๐—ฒ.
    ๐—ฆ๐—ผ ๐˜€๐—ถ๐—บ๐—ฝ๐—น๐—ฒ! ๐—œ ๐—ด๐—ฒ๐˜ ๐˜๐—ผ ๐˜€๐—ต๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ฒ ๐—บ๐˜† ๐—น๐—ถ๐—ด๐—ต๐˜, ๐˜€๐—ต๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ ๐—บ๐˜† ๐—น๐—ผ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฑ
    ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ ๐— ๐—˜!
    ๐—œ๐—ณ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ฐ๐—น๐—ผ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐˜€ ๐—ผ๐—ฟ ๐—ผ๐—ฝ๐—ฝ๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐˜๐˜‚๐—ป๐—ถ๐˜๐˜† ๐—ถ๐—ป๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐˜€๐˜๐˜€ ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚, ๐˜€๐—ฒ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐—บ๐—ฒ ๐—ฎ
    ๐——๐—  ๐—ผ๐—ฟ ๐—ฐ๐—ผ๐—บ๐—บ๐—ฒ๐—ป๐˜ ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ๐—น๐—ผ๐˜„ ๐˜„๐—ถ๐˜๐—ต ๐—ฎ ๐—ฌ๐—ฒ๐˜€! ๐—œ ๐˜„๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—น๐—ฑ ๐—น๐—ผ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ ๐˜๐—ผ ๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—น๐—ฝ
    ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚ ๐—ณ๐—ฒ๐—ฒ๐—น ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐˜‚๐˜๐—ถ๐—ณ๐˜‚๐—น ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐—ฒ๐—บ๐—ฝ๐—ผ๐˜„๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐—ถ๐—ป ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐˜€๐—ธ๐—ถ๐—ป ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฎ๐˜
    ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚’๐—ฟ๐—ฒ ๐—ถ๐—ป!

The link is on my homepage, the last link! Also, if you want more details use the contact me tab! ๐Ÿ’• (link)http://savvi.com/heal8/shop

Growth Mindset

Growth Mindset

So much has transpired in the last year and since vulnerability is my forte, I must admit that I have been on an emotional rollercoaster this entire month leading up to October 28th, 2021. The featured photo is of me on October 28, 2020. Last year at this time I was in a dark place mentally. Before COVID I struggled mentally, but COVID made my mental illnesses challenging and harder to maintain than usual. Advocating therapy has been my passion for the last six years, and although therapy is great it was not helping me climb out the mental black hole, I was in. The only activity that made me feel better was journaling, fitness, or being creative in some way. The pain I felt at this time last year was something I kept private, and I suffered alone for a long time until I started โ€œThe Pearl Blogโ€.

The Pearl Blog is where I started sharing my life with the world. I believed sharing would be a release. I decided once I released the pain and shared it here then I would not dwell on it any longer. Releasing emotions with pen and paper (blogging) makes my soul feel good. Believe it or not there are so many people scared to speak on their mental health issues, personal life struggles, traumas, or anything that requires vulnerability. This platform was the first place I spoke on my nasty divorce from my first husband, sexual assault trauma, PTSD, domestic violence, motherhood, love, & just my life struggles that I never spoke about unless I was in a therapy session. 

It was imperative that I share because I knew I was not the only one suffering while trying to heal and grow through life. Blogging aka releasing has been healing for me. Healing is not an easy journey and I have started over so many times. What I have learned through the healing process is that it requires a growth mindset. A growth mindset is being optimistic and always knowing that no matter how low you feel or where you are in life there is opportunity for growth if you remain resilient and trust your abilities to progress. Carol Dweck, a lead researcher on the topic of โ€œgrowth mindsetโ€, states that as humans, we operate in both a fixed and growth mindset. Dweck goes on to provide a definition for both: Fixed Mindset: โ€œIn a fixed mindset, people believe their basic qualities, like their intelligence or talent, are simply fixed traits. They spend their time documenting their intelligence or talent instead of developing them. They also believe that talent alone creates successโ€”without effort.โ€ (Dweck, 2015)

Growth Mindset: โ€œIn a growth mindset, people believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard workโ€”brains and talent are just the starting point. This view creates a love of learning and a resilience that is essential for great accomplishment.โ€ (Dweck, 2015)

Growth mindset is how I am here today, instead of where I was last year.  Have I reached my full potential? No. But, have I grown tremendously because I now know and understand that I possess the ability to heal and a resilience that has helped me every time I had to start over. The growth mindset has helped ensure that I do not fall back in the โ€œblack holeโ€. I have grown tremendously and although I am still struggling today, I am not stuck because I am constantly growing. I can admit I was stagnating in a lot of areas in my life and inside there was resentment, anger, bitterness, and pain from the past hindering me. How could I grow into a better version of me if I did not decide to grow? I had no choice but to grow into a better version of myself. The person I am today would not recognize the person I was last year. Take a moment and read some of my first blog post and you can see how I progressed. The purpose of sharing my experiences here is to help someone else that may be feeling like I was last year. Helping someone else who may be suffering alone makes me feel like I am doing my part and putting positivity back into the universe.

 I am one of the most introverted/ private people in this world, but after sharing here and only getting positive feedback I realized my potential. The Pearl Blog gave me a freedom and feeling I never had. If you would like to see more of my growth, check out my Instagram page which is linked on my homepage. Also, feel free to use the contact me tab and let me know if there are certain topics you would like me to share more. Additionally, if you are a woman that struggles with mental health, body positivity, shyness, relationship issues, motherhood, or just need to be encouraged and heard then my Facebook Group would be perfect for you (links on โ€œMeet Toniโ€). I mentioned on my last post I will be posting about different topics every other Thursday to receive alerts you must be subscribed to The Pearl Blog. To all of my subscribers Thank You! I have received nothing but great feedback. The support is appreciated. I hope that you all are healing and remember that in order to heal we must โ€œgrowโ€! No matter where you are in life there is always room for growth & healing. 

  • -Toniย 

A Birth, and a Rebirth

Before our last baby was born on August 17, 2021, I had already felt like I was completely dead inside. Besides his kicks and punches, I had become this empty shell of a person. Carrying a life is a blessing, but people forget all that comes along with it. I struggled mentally & physically. I dealt with excruciating pelvic pains, nausea, vomiting, & depression worse than ever before. Depression made it hard to get out of bed, smile, or even enjoy life at all. Physical pains made it impossible to see the end because some days I couldnโ€™t even walk due to my pelvic pains.ย 

When it was finally time to deliver our newest blessing I was ecstatic to get it over with! Although I knew birthing him would be the hardest part, I was just ready to heal and start my postpartum journey! My entire birthing experience started wrong. The hospital gave me the wrong time to be there, my scheduled surgery started late, & I felt rushed & full of anxiety because things were not going as I originally planned and that caused me unwanted stress.ย 

The doctors and nurses that attended and assisted with my surgery were amazing, but the overall experience was painful. The spinal tap was not too bad, but unfortunately, I am starting to have after-effects. The first day was challenging because I had scar tissue from my three previous cesareans that made it more complicated for the surgeon to reach our son. The whole time I laid on the operating table I kept telling myself this too shall pass, pain doesnโ€™t last forever, & trouble doesnโ€™t last always. I did a lot of positive self-talk during surgery and in my post-recovery room. Although I was in pain, I would look over at my newest blessing and just smile. I naturally loved him and wanted to care for him no matter how I felt, so I breastfed through the pain and enjoyed just watching him breathe!

After getting through the first day I thought the second day would be a breeze & boy was I wrong! On the second day after my surgery, I was close to death. I had not had much sleep & the pain was keeping me up so although I usually decline narcotics, I accepted Percocet for pain instead of Motrin. I dozed off immediately after taking the Percocet, and I woke up to a nightmare. I was having an allergic reaction to the Percocet. My throat was closing, my body welted up, my breathing became labored, I was itching all over my body, and no one knew or understood what was happening until I remembered the last time I experienced this was when I had Anaphylactic shock from

Mushrooms. I told the doctors and nurses who had all piled in my room. The crazy thing about the entire situation is the one thing I needed the hospital did not carryโ€ฆ I needed an epi-pen and they did not have them.

During the entire anaphylactic shock experience, I kept looking at my newborn baby who was only a foot away. All I could think of was losing my life before ever being his mother. Believe it or not, maternal deaths of black women are extremely high right now and I thought I was about to be a part of the statistics. I thank God that I was given another chance to live. A nurse was working that afternoon that recognized what I was experiencing and jumped in to take charge, which saved my life.ย 

On the third day, I felt a lot better than the second day and I was just ready to go home. I felt my home would be the safest place for me considering my experience at the hospital. I was welcomed home by my mother who has been the biggest blessing in my life during my pregnancy and now. Being home did not bring on some magical healing because I was still experiencing a lot of pain from my incision area. Being home only made me feel safer than being at the hospital.ย  Our other three children were so excited to meet their baby brother & I felt good knowing that I was the creator of all this greatness ๐Ÿ’•

Resting in the comfort of my home has been the best part so far. A cesarean birth is a serious procedure, and no matter where the healing process takes place, it will be a challenge physically & mentally. If I could give myself some advice for day three of healing from a cesearan it would be to walk as much as possible for the swelling, stay hydrated, & go at your own pace. There is no specific timeframe of when you may feel better after a c-section. Everyone’s situation and all bodies are different so itโ€™s not a definite answer to the healing time. Just take any postpartum journey slow & at your own pace.ย 

I can say from my personal experience that I started to feel some relief by the third week. During the third week, I was able to be more independent and hands-on with my other children as well. Itโ€™s now week four of my postpartum journey and Iโ€™ve cooked my first meal, vacuumed, drove to Starbucks, & made the bed! Those tasks seem small, but they are hard tasks when you barely have core strength! I feel like I could do more, but my doctor still has me restricted as of now.ย 

My entire pregnancy and postpartum has been challenging. For me, this postpartum journey will be a rebirth of someone greater than I was before. Iโ€™m not focused on weight loss, snapping back, being perfect, or unrealistic expectations. I am focused on the healing of my mind, body, andย  spirit so I do not allow postpartum depression, anxiety, and stressors of life to hold me back. I want to heal and grow from this experience! It is my experience that tough situations, build tough people.ย 

I already feel different inside & I am not the woman I was before I gave birth to our final baby. I see things differently, Iโ€™m thinking differently, & even responding differently about certain situations. Having a major surgery, a new baby, & 3 other children has been one of the most challenging times in my life so far. Luckily I have my husband who has supported me through breastfeeding,ย  physical support, & emotional support. My husband has been so selfless & it feels good to know that the man I chose to marry is the epitome of โ€œfor better or worseโ€! A supportive partner or support person through postpartum is major!ย 

I have also been blessed during the postpartum process to have my mother here for moral support. If you have been following my blog from the start or for a while then you are aware that our relationship has been like that of a butterfly, we have been through many different phases but we have grown into something so beautiful. My mom has encouraged me, loved me unconditionally, and sacrificed her everyday schedule for me! Iโ€™ll forever be appreciative of her.

As the days continue to go by I think about what I could have done differently before the arrival of our son to make this postpartum journey easier and there is no clear-cut answer. I would suggest any mom before birth to prepare meals, have a set schedule for other children, ensure to have a stockpile of everything needed for the baby & yourself, & home in advance.ย 

One part of the journey that is bitter-sweet is breastfeeding. Breastfeeding has been challenging but worth it for our son! Although Iโ€™ve had sore nipples, sleepless nights, & hours of pumping since his birth I know itโ€™s worth it for his health. The pandemic has had me on edge, but having a baby during a pandemic is even more stressful & the antibodies in my breastmilk motivates me to continue my breastfeeding journey. If you are a mom that has decided to breastfeed I would say make sure you have a supportive partner or support person in general because it can be discouraging in the beginning.ย 

Postpartum journey is just that โ€ฆ.a journey! A journey of ups and downs and highs and lows. A journey of painful days, happy days, sad days, or days you may not even remember! The journey has been worth every second because I am watching myself evolve slowly into aย healed woman, with no regrets! Life is about lessons and I have received some clarifying and life-changing lessons since the start of this pandemic and especially during my pregnancy. It has almost been a year since The Pearl Blog was created and it feels good to say the woman I was when I started The Pearl Blog was nowhere near this confident, healed, matured, focused, & motivated to just be better!ย 

If you are pregnant, a mom or a person just going through life challenges remember โ€œthis too shall passโ€! Most things in life are temporary, just get your lessons and evolve from whatever challenges you go through. Challenges are meant to make you resilient, and resiliency makes you more equipped to handle future challenges!ย  So keep healing & keep growing through life!ย 

-๐Ÿ’•Toniย 

Know your worth & be unapologetically you!

Know your worth & be unapologetically you!

There was a point in my life when I was not aware of my worth. I was unaware that I was the prize and that it was a privilege for anyone to have me a part of their lives. Imagine being co-dependent and walked all over for years without having any insight into who you are and what you were capable of. One of my favorite bible verses isย Proverbs 31:10 โ€œFor her worth is far above rubies.โ€ย ย I read the entire book of Proverbs during the summer of 2018 and I wish I had read it sooner. I was going through a tough time in my personal life, and I realized after reading Proverbs that I am the prize! As a woman in general there is already so much to deal with, and it is easy to lose sight of your worth. I can openly admit I have lost myself so many times. To give love, be mentally okay, & live a purpose-driven life it is important to know your worth. Until you know who you are & all you have to offer you will not live your life fully and will remain vulnerable to being treated unworthily. So why is knowing your worth so important?

A worthy woman believes in herself and has high self-esteem. High self-esteem makes you comfortable with who you are as a person. Being comfortable with who you are means you are comfortable with everything about YOU! Learn to love all of you, especially your flaws. When self-esteem is lacking, it is a chance that others will not value the person you are either. It is easy to read the person that lacks true confidence because 9/10 they are uncomfortable, and it shows. I am my own biggest critic and there have been times when I spoke down on myself, and because I lacked self-esteem, I always felt so uncomfortable in my skin. There was a time that I would not wear certain clothes, hairstyles, or go to certain places because of low self-esteem. To be a woman of worth work on your self-esteem first. Once you have worked on your self-esteem everything else slowly falls into place.

As a woman always remember what YOU bring to the table! High self-esteem is amazing, but to value yourself is priceless. The value that you place on yourself starts with what you will or will not settle for. Have you ever sat back and thought about mistreatment or boundaries that you have allowed being crossed? To value yourself and show others that you know your worth there must be boundaries. Boundaries are created because of the love you have for yourself. Without those boundaries, it leaves the door open for another person to treat you less than you deserve. It is important to know that worth, and value is not determined by a man, money, or looks. It all starts with your inner beliefs of yourself!

My favorite affirmation that helps me remember my worth is โ€œbe unapologetically you, & know you are worthy & enoughโ€!

For me being unapologetically you means knowing that you are enough and living with no regrets and not apologizing for how you are deciding to live your life or how you are deciding to set the boundaries for your life.ย Being unapologetically you means you know your worth, and you are living in your truth.ย It takes an evolved woman to LIVE an unapologetic life. It took me almost ten years before I was unapologetically myself. I know for a fact in my twenties I was not evolved or aware of my worth enough to live my life unapologetically. Once I learned my worth, and how much I had to offer it changed my entire view of myself. I look back today and laugh or even get embarrassed by some behaviors and mistreatment I allowed ten years ago that I would not tolerate today. I often reiterate how important self-worth and self-love are because without them you have no value as a woman or a person.

This blog was honestly inspired by me looking back at an old picture of myself from twenty-two years old and in the picture, I can remember like yesterday how unvalued I was. I remember how I was mistreated, and how I allowed boundaries to be crossed because I did not know that my worth was far above rubies. There have been times when became upset with me because I wasted over six years of my life being unvalued, unloved, & treated unworthily. Today I understand that without the lessons of my past I would have never learned my worth. So, if you are being treated unworthy, ๐Ÿ›‘ stop reading this and go to your closet mirror right now and tell yourself โ€œbe unapologetically you, & know you are worthy & enoughโ€! Say this affirmation to yourself every day at least three times out of the day. Whatever you believe about yourself is how you will treat yourself and allow others to treat you. I know that the self-love journey is not easy, but for the journey to start a step must be taken. Take that step to loving yourself & knowing your worth!

Is your sex life really over after childbirth?

Is your sex life really over after childbirth?

Sex after childbirth is a topic that women are ashamed or scared to speak on, and something than men avoid because of their lack of education and being oblivious about the effects that birthing a child have on a womanโ€™s sex life.ย  Most women who have birthed a child will admit that before birthing children their libido was higher.ย  Libido is oneโ€™s sexual desire! Most women will not admit it, but their libido was more than likely higher before they became a mom. Some women have higher libido during pregnancy because the hormones increase their sexual drive, others are complete opposite and do not have sex their entire pregnancy, and then you have the after-childbirth sex which is a whole different story.

I never enjoyed sex really until I learned my own body inside and out, which is why it was shocking to me when I did not want or need sex anymore after the birth of my first child. After I birthed my oldest son, I never craved sex like I did before I ever gave birth. I went months sometimes without any sexual activity at all because I just did not have the urge.ย  I struggled with postpartum depression badly, but on top of depression no one warned me how much your body changes. First and foremost, the whole sex after 6 weeks is complete bullshit! Sex after six weeks hurts like heal, and it still hurts after 8 weeks! ย It takes time for your body to adjust. Some women may have an episiotomy or other laceration after giving birth and those tears can take more than 6-8 weeks to heal. Through all the changes after birthing a child, men still expect a woman to birth a baby and jump back into the swing of things and that is not realistic at all!

Eventually the goal after childbirth should be to enjoy sex again, and not allow it to become the elephant in the room. What worked for me and my husband is communication. I had a cesarean and those can be very painful. We found other ways to be intimate. Sex is basically intimacy that keeps you and your significant other connected. If you are still healing, then think of other forms of intimacy. We would cuddle, have date nights, and if I were not in the mood at times then I would just pleasure him. Getting back into a sexual routine and getting your libido higher will require an open mind and work! I would also suggest quickies (a brief act or instance of having sex), once you have a new baby those quickies become a lifesaver and helps to keep your relationship alive. If you are not completely ready for intercourse yet I want to give you a few pointers to get in the right direction.

Firstly, I am giving advice and am not a MD, or professional in this area. I am only sharing my experiences and my advice! So, let us get to it! If more than 3 months have passed and you have not felt the urge to be intimate after giving birth be sure to make an appointment with your physician because sometimes a lower libido after childbirth can be a medical issue. Your doctor can run an advanced hormone test which will give an extensive e profile of you sex and adrenal hormones and melatonin, along with their metabolites, to identify symptoms if you have any hormonal imbalances. Also, please research and try adding adaptogens into your everyday consumption. Adaptogen herbs helps with stress management and assist the bodies physiological functions response to outside stressors. They do this by lowering the stress levels. When your stress is reduced, your adrenal glands become more balance, and that can significantly boost your sex drive.

In my own personal experience I received pelvic floor therapy because I had a large size baby and it really affected my pelvic structure, and caused me to have pain during sex. Sometimes the lack of wanting sex has a lot to do with your physical body just not being able to. If that is your situation, I suggest you seek medical attention ASAP! Do not be ashamed to seek help from a professional. Another thing that helped me was non-hormonal birth control, and eventually I stopped birth control completely. Birth control can really lower your libido and doctors do not often enough explain this to patients before they start a new birth control. Before you start any birth control please do your research and be sure that you know exactly what you are putting in your body.

After birth it is like your energy is completely depleted and that feeling can last for months at a time. I know for me it lasted awhile. There were times when I had no energy to do anything besides care for my baby. To increase my energy, I started these 20-minute workout sections that I dedicated myself to complete every day. If I could not workout, then I would at least take a walk, or go stand on my balcony at the time for some fresh air and sunlight. The lack of sunlight exposure has been connected to a drop in serotonin levels and lack of serotonin can lead to depression and mood swings. Serotonin is naturally released through working out, and sunlight. The reason I suggest a walk or just standing out for a little sun bath is because you want the happy hormones (serotonin) to improve your mood, which could put you in the mood for some SEX!

Last, but definitely not least to get back to your happy sex place you must first know your own body inside and out. That means self-pleasure is a must. Do not be afraid to embrace your new momBOD! Touch yourself, look in the mirror at yourself, do positive self-talk, and please yourself as often as you may like. You may have to do self-pleasure in the beginning to get back comfortable with having intercourse with your significant other and that is okay. Communicate with you partner always about what you are feeling, what you need, and ask what you can do to make the intimacy between the two of you better? Communication is the most important aspect of a healthy & happy sex life. Sex after childbirth does not have to be non-existence, you are in control of your intimacy, your body, and the outcome of your sex life after childbirth. I have placed a diagram below that gives pointers on rising your libido! I hope this helps! Please comment below or feel free to add your input! You never know who you are helping by sharing your situation or experience!

 

 

 

 

Check out.. Sex is FREEDOM ๐ŸŒป

Peace & Blessings!

 

 

 

 

 

#Motherhood #TeamNoKids….

Motherhoodโ€ฆ. Letโ€™s talk about it! If you log into Instagram right now and type in the hashtag #motherhood, there are over 23.1 million post on or about Motherhood. If you look up the #teamnokids hashtag there are 79.8k post about women/men celebrating their choice to not procreate. I am not against #teamnokids, nor am I someone who goes around throwing my #Motherhood in others faces. I can say I understand and have been in both sets of shoes. I have walked in the single, no kids, party, no stress, no worries, and only concerned with myself shoes. I have also walked in the kids are my life, I could not imagine my life without kids, & kids changed me completely shoes! Both sets of shoes are absolutely amazing if you ask my opinion.

I remember my 18-year-old self, watching my friends become mothers in high school & college and thinking. โ€œThat will never be me!โ€ I never seen myself having children simply because I was a wildflower aka Free-Spirited teenager growing into adulthood. I wanted to go into the US Army travel the world, and never look back to where I came from because there was nothing but trauma there. I felt like I had my mind made up. Even in my first marriage I know it was only a forced topic, and I was only going with the flow of what my ex-partner wanted and after awhile I led myself to believe โ€œYou have partied, and done a lot of wild things why not have a couple of kids for your spouse?โ€ I was 21 years old when my first child was born.

I tell you one thing, my life as a new mother looked nothing like the mothers on the Instagram hashtag #Motherhood! Lol! The birth of my son in general was the worst and most traumatic birth of all three of my children. I literally felt like I was going to die, and although he survived it was a hard labor for him too. I was not prepared for the 14hours of labor that led to an emergency c-section, that left me sore and left my body forever changed. The first year of motherhood was the hardest because I dealt with post-partum depression and I did not even know what that was until I experienced it. I went into motherhood blind, not prepared, and with the image of mothers happy with their children (like you I had seen on television)!

If I could speak to my younger self now, I would say baby girl wait! I would let my younger self know girl you are not ready mentally, physically, or emotionally, and on top of thatโ€ฆthe man who begging you to procreate โ€œis not father materialโ€ I would let my younger self know that motherhood is for the right time, and with the right one. When it is the right timing, and the right one motherhood just โ€œhit differentโ€! I can vouch for that! I never really knew what Motherhood entailed or how loving & emotional rewarding it could be until I experienced it with the right partner. If I made a list of things to consider before procreating, the number one item on my list would be #1 Do not procreate until you are for sure you are procreating with the right partner.

Motherhood requires giving all of you, but when you have a partner to do it with motherhood is ten times easier, and more fun. Although having a partner can be fun, I also was once a single mom of two boys with bare minimum assistance before I met my husband. I still enjoyed motherhood as a single mom because I did not allow myself to get burned out. I kept the boys busy, and we did a lot of activities and traveling together. Although activities are fun, having a family member or a paid sitter for โ€œme-timeโ€ is especially important for all single mothers. It is important to have time to yourself for moments of quietness, and just time for focusing on you! One of the #1 reasons that most women do not want to become mothers are because they like their time alone and ย caring for someone besides yourself can be stressful, depressing, and 9 times out of 10 you will get burnout physically, mentally, emotionally if you do not balance you every day life with your children.

Now that I have my 3 children, I know for sure I would not want a life without children. I enjoy how innocent and loving my children are. My children have drugged me out of depression, helped me to grow as a woman, motivated me when I wanted to quit, and all me to experience the best love I have ever received. Although I enjoyed just jumping in the car without worrying about car seats, or who forgot something. I enjoy the cuddles, the joking and play, and just unconditional love from my children more than anything in this world. I enjoy the family time, and how my husband & I get to bond with them and guide them into greatness! ย I wrote this blog to basically say if you are on the line between #TeamNokids & #Motherhood I just want to say dig deep within yourself and think long and hard about your decision. I suggest that you do not go into motherhood blindsided and that you have done all or at least most of what you want to do in life. Children are a permanent life decision & you can not wake up one morning and decide to give them back. I also suggest being as mentally & emotionally prepared as possible because motherhood can be emotionally & mentally draining. If you still decide not to procreate, I say kudos to you because what you decide with your body & your life is your decision. Never let society, or the โ€œwhen are you having a baby?โ€ people rush you or convince you into something you did not genuinely want. Social media is a place that shows us all these beautiful pictures, happy videos, children behaving perfectly, and mothers in pure bliss, but that is not reality. The reality is no matter what you decide life is not perfect, and regardless of what you decide go into any decision mentally, physically, & emotionally ready to give your all.

-Peace & Blessings

 

 

Sex is FREEDOM ๐ŸŒป

One of the most uncomfortable topics among a couple is sex. I find that interesting because I have always been incredibly open about my wants and my needs. I am naturally a blunt person, and I found that being blunt about sex would sometimes make men uncomfortable. Women always get the shitty end of the stick when it involves relationships, sex, or simply doing whatever we want to do. If you are a woman that enjoy intimacy and have explored sex, then you may be considered a whore or promiscuous.

I do not like the word whore because what exactly is a whore and ย who gave anyone the right to call someone that. Thereโ€™s a podcast that I enjoy called Whoreible_Decisions, it is an uncut podcast of sex and all of its KINKS from two New York women. The podcast discusses some of the hottest, raciest, rawest sexual topics. In my opinion it is the perfect podcast for a woman that is uncomfortable with sex, do not know how to speak on sex, or simply sexually uneducated. Part of being a woman is knowing and loving your body. Part of loving your body is ensuring that you are being properly pleased in all areas. Do not allow society or men to make you feel insecure or shameful about sex. Sex is one of the most natural experiences in life, and funny enough it is how we all got here! Lol

I was a late bloomer when it came to men, I had some sexual trauma in my childhood and as a young adult, so I seemed to automatically attract to other women. I never really enjoyed sex with men, and I never โ€œgot offโ€ sexually with men. In my entire 31 years only 2 men have gotten me to that place. I always was more sexually pleased when I was with women & I am not ashamed to say that today, but I was 3 years ago. My husband and I are the most open couple and I have gone places with him sexually and experienced things with him sexually that no man could go with me simply because he took the time to know, learn, and enjoy all of his woman!

Men are so quick to ask for their penis to be sucked but will not take the time to warm their woman up or discover how to please their woman. Women are like cars, and we need to be warmed up. You can not just jump into sex with a woman without first giving her some foreplay. The issue with many of men is that they want to jump in, and that is why a lot of women are in 10-year relationships and have been faking orgasms the entire time. There are some women so miserable sexually that even if their men are millionaires, they are still out here cheating due to unpleasing sex.

I am all for women empowerment and I am speaking on this because this have been a topic discussed with a few people close to me lately. I always tell my friends that itโ€™s your yoni and you can share it with whom you want, how you, when you wantโ€ฆbut just make sure you are being pleasured and not just always giving pleasure. The goal for all women should be to experience an amazing sexual experience, instead of faking one. When I started my journey of learning and knowing what I needed to be pleased it started with experimenting, and simply discovering myself as a woman inside in out and realizing there was nothing to be ashamed about.

If you are a woman that struggles with orgasms, being pleasured, or feeling uncomfortable about enjoying sex I suggest you to check out the Whoreible_Decisions podcast and to also read The Pleasure Gap: American Women & the Unfinished Sexual Revolution written by Katherine Rowland. Both resources are great for women discovering themselves. Whatever you decide, please rememberโ€ฆall girls have a sexual side, but it is up to you and your partner to release the beast. Do not be afraid of experiences, and do not be afraid to voice what you want. You are in control of your body and what it desires. I hope this help you reach places you have never reached before. Please comment below with any feedback!

 

-Toni

 

 

 

 

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