Goodbye 2021…

Can you believe that 2021 is almost over? Throughout my adulthood there have been some years that were challenging and some that almost took me out completely mentally, physically, & emotionally. The year 2018 was the last year I felt challenged the entire year and often asked myself …how am I going to make it through this year? I know that trials and tribulations in life teaches lessons and builds character. In the year of 2018, I learned some gut wrenching and heartbreaking lessons that changed my life and viewpoint on life forever. The year of 2021 has been a mirror image of the year 2018, accept the trials and lessons were different. In 2018 I learned 3 important lessons.

  1. Life is precious and short, so live it to the fullest. 
  2. There is no one I can trust or depend on more than myself. 
  3. If I want to make something happen, then I must do the work. There are no short cuts!

The year 2021 hit me like a ton of bricks. I planned on 2021 being a year dedicated to my mental health and conquering trauma by facing my problems and finding solutions. I also wanted to work on my physical fitness and being more mindful because I was neglecting self-care in 2020 and I wanted to make some major changes in 2021. I do not like making changes, because I can admit too much change scares me and makes me feel uncomfortable.  I can attest that the times that I have tried and was consist with making changes in my life, it always led to something so great. Instead of making changes this year I felt stagnant, mentally suppressed, physically wore down, spiritually under attack, and just not myself. This year I was creating life, while internally dying inside. During a time when I should have been on cloud nine about life, I was regretting it. If you have been following me awhile then you are aware of my mental health journey. One of the major things that keeps me mentally aligned is physical activity. In 2018 when my father passed, my husband and I was separated awhile, my sister was fighting cancer, and my family was crumbling. While my life was falling apart, I fell in love with fitness. It started with at home workouts, prayer & meditation, running, & being consist with self-care. In 2018 I recreated a better version of myself while going through grief and heartbreak. The grief and heartbreak transformed me into this strong and emotionally mature woman that I loved. I learned to love myself no matter what I was going through. Fitness gives me confidence, keeps me grounded, and gives me this high that I just enjoy! Since my pregnancy was high risk and I had physical limitations there was a lot I could not do, and the lack of psychical activity is what started the perinatal depression and sent me into this dark place. 

The darkness I have experienced this year has taught me some major lessons. Although this was a challenging year, just like 2018 I felt like it had to happen so I could transform. I am a firm believer that things happen in our lives to transform and prepare us for our purpose. The last few months I have struggled deeply with letting go of my past, accepting that I am enough for myself & my children, realizing I need help and that is okay, and knowing that fucked up situations and circumstances happens to good people. Just because you are a “good person” does not make you exempt for challenges in life. The challenges that I experienced this year has taught me some lessons that are going to help me transform and do better in 2022. My number one goal for 2022 is CONSISTENCY and EFFORT. The year 2021 I felt like I had no control of my life, and I was constantly in this victim role or feeling victimized. There was a lot of complaining and self-sabotage in 2021. Yes, my life has been hard, but did I have to soak in it and have that same energy all year? NO! The Martyr Complex is basically how I can sum up my 2021. Martyr complex is related closely to “the victim complex”. At its core, the victim complex involves someone viewing themselves as a victim of their life events. They often express that bad things always happen to them, claim that they have no control over their life, and don’t take responsibility for things they do. The motives for a victim mentality are often unconscious (WebMD, 2020). It was not until recently after taking a break from all social media and evaluating this entire year that I realized most of 2021 I was unconsciously making myself a victim. I sacrificed a lot of  happy times, because I focused too much on all the bad that was happening. This year taught me to always find something good in all situations or circumstances in life. I understand now that my year could have played out differently if I only shifted my way of thinking. Mindset is major when you are trying to remain grounded in your life. My mindset was off all 2021 and I allowed my circumstances to keep me stagnant. Although I am so ready for 2022 to start, I am thankful for the lessons of 2021. I have some new lessons to take in 2022, and I am ready to shift my mindset. Because of 2021, my 2022 goals are focused more on mindfulness. In 2022 my top 4 areas I want to focus on are: 

  1. Finding something positive in all situations that I am going through. 
  2. Do not be a victim, find a solution for your problems. 
  3. Shift my mindset and be still more often.
  4. Remember hard times do not last forever. 

I do not expect 2022 to be perfect, but I can guarantee that it will not be a year full of self-sabotage. In 2022 I am stepping back from worry, stress, depression, uncertainty, insecurities, resentment, stagnation, being stuck in the past, or having scattered energy without being mindful. I am a mental health advocate and I know what I should have been doing this year, but even I slipped through the cracks and got lost. What I experienced this year is the exact reason why I started the @healingandgrowing_ Instagram and The Pearl Blog. It is my passion and mission to spread the word on mental health awareness, trauma, therapy, motherhood, marriage, divorce, domestic violence, and so much more I have experienced. These experiences happened to me for a reason, and I believe the reason is to share my story so just maybe one person finds solitude in my story or decides today is the day to make a change. My mission remains the same. I want to encourage, educate, and transform the lives of people who are looking to heal and grow through life challenges. In 2022 I am working on something special for all the people who has been supporting me. The comments, the likes, the follows, and purchases are appreciated. I have received more support from strangers since I started The Pearl Blog & I just want to say thank you. It is my hope & prayer that your 2022 is all you hoped for! Please comment below 4 things you are manifesting for 2022 or 4 lessons you have learned in 2021. I can’t wait to see what you all have to say! 

-Toni

Sources: “Martyr Complex: Causes, Signs, and More.” WebMD, WebMD, https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-is-a-martyr-complex. 

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