It is almost my birthday! Another year around the sun, and I am so grateful. I have come far from where I started. To think just ten years ago I was a new mom, unhappy in a toxic marriage, in school, serving in the Army, and not happy at all. Ten years ago, I would just wake up and get through my day the best I could. There were so many days I just wanted to give up. This was before I committed to therapy and before the start of my healing journey. I was a twenty-two-year-old young woman with so much more hurt and trauma ahead of me. I remember my mom always saying, “one day you will look back and laugh at this period of your life”. My mom was right! Today I can look back and laugh at some things because I thought my life was over after infidelity, divorce, trauma, abuse, & mental health struggles. All the trials I experienced in the last ten years were nothing but lessons that I needed to heal and grow into the woman I am today.
I appreciate the hard times I experienced more today than ever before. In the beginning, I did not accept the lessons instead, I harbored hurt and anger because “how dare someone mistreat me”! I was not aware ten years ago, or even five years ago how much anger towards another person consumes your life. Anger consumed my life to a point all I did was get angry! The smallest problems made me upset. I lashed out in so many ways because I wanted revenge. Revenge for me was my transgressors feeling as hurt, miserable, and traumatized as I was. What I realized through therapy and maturity is that I may never receive an apology, my transgressors may never acknowledge their actions, & the experience of my trauma may not even bother them. I had to accept that it was my trauma to accept and heal from. I could not hold anyone accountable for how I was feeling except for myself. It took years for me to realize the trauma I have experienced was out of my control, but the way I decided to move forward after the trauma is in my control.
Acknowledging that I was in control of how I let others affect my life is what helped me to move forward and start my healing and growing journey. I started acknowledging the good things in my life that I had to be thankful for. Although my first marriage was a failure, I acknowledge today that it needed to end, or I would not have experienced love as I have with my husband. All the trauma I have experienced in the last ten years led to something better in the end. Domestic violence, infidelity, divorce, mental health struggles, & trauma gave me strength. I grew a strength after I became a single mother. I am thankful that my two sons were in my life after my divorce because they were my daily motivation. The fact that I had two little humans watching my every move motivated me to get into therapy so that I could heal myself, and not cause them any more trauma.
The goal has always been to break the cycles. My parents were never married or together long enough for me to know or understand what a man and woman healthy relationship should look like. I had no idea what a healthy marriage was, which is why I allowed red flags in my first marriage. The mistakes and red flags in the first marriage prepared me for my current marriage. If I were being completely honest, I would say the divorce of my first husband is when my life completely changed for the better. I believe in closing chapters and starting anew. Just because something does not work out does not mean you failed. Sometimes your life must fall completely apart for you to get it together.
Right now, I am at a point of acceptance! I am still getting my life together one day at a time, but I am happier and healthier than I was ten or five years ago. I still have my struggles, but I am no longer angry, revengeful, petty, or just miserable. The healing and growing have been a process. It has been a hard process and I have put in plenty of work to get this far. I had to let go of things I could not control, remove my ego, & not let the small things get me down. There was a point in my life when I would be depressed about situations for weeks at a time. I have a new rule now that has helped me tremendously! It is okay to not be okay, and it is okay to have a bad day or two. But I refuse to allow myself to drown in self-pity and let my emotions control my intelligence for longer than a day or so. During this healing journey, I have learned that you must know how to pick yourself up, do not always expect others to save you because you will never be healed.
Thirty-two is right around the corner and I am prouder of myself for this upcoming birthday than any other birthday. I am still in disbelief that I have been going after my dreams without caring about the judgment of others. The motivation I have had this year along is absolutely amazing. Life is all about lessons! We all will have different lessons, but the goal is to learn and grow from life lessons. Never stop growing in life. Look at yourself as a flower. A flower needs to be properly nourished to grow. Commit to nourishing yourself and watch how your life change. You deserve to heal from all the trauma you have experienced. In honor of my birthday month, I will be having a sale on all The Pearl Blog PostiveMindset Merch. Support me by purchasing something from the site, and make sure you use the code HEAL to get a discount on all purchases. Also, follow me on Instagram @healingandgrowing_ and like my page on Facebook!