I am Not my past!

Youโ€™re not your past!

The thing about our past is that itโ€™s not easy to always heal from, but itโ€™s like once you have healed and evolved the people around you starts to bring up who you were in the past, what you used to do, how you used to act, or what you used to allow. It bothers me to my core when someone constantly criticizes me for my past. Evolving is something that I truly believe in because I know for a fact the girl I was ten years ago when I had my first child is not the woman I am today pregnant with my fourth child!

Life happens, and my upbringing was not easy. I was loved, but I did not have the foundation I needed growing up and therefore I experienced some traumas that stunted my growth and kept me in an unhealthy mental space in my teenage years. I was naive and young, and because of the environment I was raised in and the peers I was around the younger me thought she knew it all! If I could go back and speak to my fifteen-year-old self I would tell myself to โ€œForget what they say you can not do, or what you will not be one day & just cut all the negatively off and blossom like the rose you areโ€.

I had some teachers that truly cared and a few law enforcement officers I ran into that showed some interest in me leaving the crowd I was with and focusing on my full potential! I never functioned at my full potential in high school because I woke up every day in a house with someone that had violated me, and that made me rebellious. I would run away and do everything to keep from being home. Being a teenager, no emotional or mental support, and not prepared for adulthood properly led me to the worst situation in my life in my twenties.

My first marriage and my twenties are often how people judge me. Iโ€™m often judged as being that same girl I was at twenty years old. If I could change anything about my past it would be my first marriage because the effects and trauma of that marriage are often brought up in my present. Some people believe that if I allowed this or that ten years ago, then there may be room for them to cross my boundaries today. If I received a dollar for every time I have been told what I used to do, who I used to be, or what I used to allowโ€ฆ. I would be wealthy!

I was recently told I can be easily controlled and I wouldnโ€™t be who I am today if circumstances were different. I also was recently told I do a lot, but I am not doing enough and that cut me deep because I know how far I have come, I know what I have endured, and I know Iโ€™ve evolved! Who I am spiritually, mentally, physically, & emotionally today is someone I didnโ€™t have the tools or courage to be ten to fifteen years ago! If I could turn back time I would just want the tools and mental strength that I have today!

What I realize today is that no one and I do mean NO ONE knows all Iโ€™ve endured but for me and the man above. No one knows how many tears, late nights, no sleep, months of depression, & months of not recognizing myself that I endured before I dropped to my knees one day and surrendered to God. I dropped to my knees & said to God โ€œIโ€™m doneโ€! I was done letting anything or anyone hold me back, mistreat me, or cross boundaries that I worked so hard to build. Although I know I am always working on healing and change, I believe people around me are still focused on who I used to be. Some still expect behaviors, reactions, and lack of boundaries the old me allowed!

So how do you keep people from bringing up your past or who you used to be? The honest answer is you can not change the perspective, thoughts, or opinions of others. When walking into a path of healing it may be possible that only โ€œyouโ€ will recognize the work youโ€™re doing, and only โ€œyouโ€ will acknowledge your growth! We can never completely disconnect from the past because there will always be someone that wants to talk about who we โ€œusedโ€ to be! If you think about it, the only reason someone keeps bringing up your past is that they are threatened by who you are in the present!

Final thought: Watch the people who are around you. Especially the ones that are not genuinely happy within themselves. Watch the ones that constantly focus on your past faults and are not focused on you healing and growing properly! If youโ€™ve been following me on Instagram @healingandgrowing_ Iโ€™ve been speaking a lot about boundaries and withdrawing from what no longer serves me positively & I just wanted to share it here on my blog as well! Itโ€™s a new week, keep your head up, stay focused on healing, and donโ€™t allow anyone to stop you from growing!