Hello to all,
I guess you could say I have been MIA…I ended my new year with so many prospects, goals, and aspirations but this thing called life stopped me in my tracks. At the beginning of December my mind was set and ready for 2021. I was more excited about 2021 than any other year, because although the pandemic really affected my 2020, I accomplished a lot and I did not allow my creative blocks, or anything to stop me from creating ideas, sharing ideas, and putting an effort into all the things I love!
So what has thrown me off, and why I have I been isolated over the last month….. There is a new member coming into the family this year in 2021 and although we are happy & children are a blessing, no one speaks of the overwhelming and horrible 1st trimester of pregnancy! Social media shows moms posting weekly updates comparing the size of their babies to fruit and smiling as if pregnancy is the most amazing thing ever! (It’s NOT!)
Although pregnancy is different for every mother and symptoms can be different with every pregnancy 1 in 4 women goes through the pains and symptoms of the 1st trimester. The last few months I have woke up nauseated every morning. There were mornings I woke up, and I wished I did not because I felt so horrible. Pregnancy is hard, but it can become more challenging when you are already parenting children. Being a mother of three other children who all wants and require my attention made the sickness harder for me to cope with. I am an active mom. I enjoy waking up early every morning to get that morning workout, preparing breakfast for my kids, making their lunches, and getting them hyped and prepared for their day; but none of this was possible due to my 1st Trimester symptoms of vomiting, nausea, & extreme fatigue.
Each day I woke up and literally begged and pleaded with God to just help me get out of the bed, help me to get my kids to school in one piece, & me back home before I vomited everywhere. On top of the nausea and vomiting, felling fatigue after a full night of sleep is the worst! I read many of articles online about pregnancy fatigue and what could be done to help, nothing I read helped me. No matter how much rest I had, my body still felt overly exhausted and if I am being completely honest the fatigue is what made me just shut down. I started to isolate myself, and I became angry with myself because I felt like a bad mom, I felt like I should not be so lazy, and I blamed myself for being weak because I scrolled through social media and would see other moms glowing & working out in their first trimester. Other mom enjoying their pregnancy and posting cute pictures, while I lay in bed depressed, stressed, & regretting the blessing that God has blessed me with.
If I could share one thing about the 1st trimester to help another mom, it would be “DO NOT COMPARE YOUR JOURNEY WITH OTHER EXPECTING MOMS” comparing what I was going through with mothers on social media is what led me into such deep isolation and depression. Pregnancy depression is a real thing, and while I already have struggles with depression, anxiety, and PTSD this was like piling crap on top of crap. I looked in the mirror and did not recognize myself and I even thought of terminating my pregnancy or wishing I would miscarry to end this miserable phase. I know that last statement seems extreme, but until you have experienced (hyperemesis gravidarum) constant nausea, vomiting, fatigue, and depression, while creating a whole human do not judge!
I wrote this to share my experience, and to say that yes pregnancy is a blessing, is a beautiful experience. But I must be completely honest because I hope women can learn something from my experience. I hope someone else can prepare & educate themselves about the 1st Trimester struggles after reading this post. I have been blessed to have an amazing husband, supportive family, and great kids that has helped me get through each day. Having the support of the people I love has really been a fresh breath of air. My husband deserves a trophy because he is the most loving, compassionate, understanding, and supportive man I have ever met in my entire life. My husband goes over and beyond to ensure myself and our children are okay & that helps me to keep pushing forward.
Do I still wake up some mornings sad, depressed, sick, stressed, or feeling overwhelm? Yes, I wake up like this some days, but I have been praying, and I repeat the same mantra each morning “This too will past” I remind myself this is just another phase of my life, and I know that after these 9 months are complete, we will receive another great blessing from God! Creating life is astounding, but it is not easy, and it is not all peaches & cream. Women are so phenomenal and what our bodies can do is amazing! I am amazed that I am once again creating a human being. Right now, as I am typing this, I am nauseated, but I am not vomiting, and my baby is growing healthy in my womb, & my toddler is beside me with the biggest smile and because of that every single symptom I am experiencing is worth it! I have shared some helpful links within this post about severe morning sickness (hyperemesis gravidarum), fatigue, and pregnancy in the first trimester. It is my prayer that this article can give another mother courage while going through a tough pregnancy. Do not be so hard on yourself if you are not being who you were before the 1st trimester. Remember you are human, you are creating a human, & you deserve some mercy & grace during this time. Thanks for engaging, please comment any advice you may have or your own experiences below!