Is your sex life really over after childbirth?
Sex after childbirth is a topic that women are ashamed or scared to speak on, and something than men avoid because of their lack of education and being oblivious about the effects that birthing a child have on a woman’s sex life. Most women who have birthed a child will admit that before birthing children their libido was higher. Libido is one’s sexual desire! Most women will not admit it, but their libido was more than likely higher before they became a mom. Some women have higher libido during pregnancy because the hormones increase their sexual drive, others are complete opposite and do not have sex their entire pregnancy, and then you have the after-childbirth sex which is a whole different story.
I never enjoyed sex really until I learned my own body inside and out, which is why it was shocking to me when I did not want or need sex anymore after the birth of my first child. After I birthed my oldest son, I never craved sex like I did before I ever gave birth. I went months sometimes without any sexual activity at all because I just did not have the urge. I struggled with postpartum depression badly, but on top of depression no one warned me how much your body changes. First and foremost, the whole sex after 6 weeks is complete bullshit! Sex after six weeks hurts like heal, and it still hurts after 8 weeks! It takes time for your body to adjust. Some women may have an episiotomy or other laceration after giving birth and those tears can take more than 6-8 weeks to heal. Through all the changes after birthing a child, men still expect a woman to birth a baby and jump back into the swing of things and that is not realistic at all!
Eventually the goal after childbirth should be to enjoy sex again, and not allow it to become the elephant in the room. What worked for me and my husband is communication. I had a cesarean and those can be very painful. We found other ways to be intimate. Sex is basically intimacy that keeps you and your significant other connected. If you are still healing, then think of other forms of intimacy. We would cuddle, have date nights, and if I were not in the mood at times then I would just pleasure him. Getting back into a sexual routine and getting your libido higher will require an open mind and work! I would also suggest quickies (a brief act or instance of having sex), once you have a new baby those quickies become a lifesaver and helps to keep your relationship alive. If you are not completely ready for intercourse yet I want to give you a few pointers to get in the right direction.
Firstly, I am giving advice and am not a MD, or professional in this area. I am only sharing my experiences and my advice! So, let us get to it! If more than 3 months have passed and you have not felt the urge to be intimate after giving birth be sure to make an appointment with your physician because sometimes a lower libido after childbirth can be a medical issue. Your doctor can run an advanced hormone test which will give an extensive e profile of you sex and adrenal hormones and melatonin, along with their metabolites, to identify symptoms if you have any hormonal imbalances. Also, please research and try adding adaptogens into your everyday consumption. Adaptogen herbs helps with stress management and assist the bodies physiological functions response to outside stressors. They do this by lowering the stress levels. When your stress is reduced, your adrenal glands become more balance, and that can significantly boost your sex drive.
In my own personal experience I received pelvic floor therapy because I had a large size baby and it really affected my pelvic structure, and caused me to have pain during sex. Sometimes the lack of wanting sex has a lot to do with your physical body just not being able to. If that is your situation, I suggest you seek medical attention ASAP! Do not be ashamed to seek help from a professional. Another thing that helped me was non-hormonal birth control, and eventually I stopped birth control completely. Birth control can really lower your libido and doctors do not often enough explain this to patients before they start a new birth control. Before you start any birth control please do your research and be sure that you know exactly what you are putting in your body.
After birth it is like your energy is completely depleted and that feeling can last for months at a time. I know for me it lasted awhile. There were times when I had no energy to do anything besides care for my baby. To increase my energy, I started these 20-minute workout sections that I dedicated myself to complete every day. If I could not workout, then I would at least take a walk, or go stand on my balcony at the time for some fresh air and sunlight. The lack of sunlight exposure has been connected to a drop in serotonin levels and lack of serotonin can lead to depression and mood swings. Serotonin is naturally released through working out, and sunlight. The reason I suggest a walk or just standing out for a little sun bath is because you want the happy hormones (serotonin) to improve your mood, which could put you in the mood for some SEX!
Last, but definitely not least to get back to your happy sex place you must first know your own body inside and out. That means self-pleasure is a must. Do not be afraid to embrace your new momBOD! Touch yourself, look in the mirror at yourself, do positive self-talk, and please yourself as often as you may like. You may have to do self-pleasure in the beginning to get back comfortable with having intercourse with your significant other and that is okay. Communicate with you partner always about what you are feeling, what you need, and ask what you can do to make the intimacy between the two of you better? Communication is the most important aspect of a healthy & happy sex life. Sex after childbirth does not have to be non-existence, you are in control of your intimacy, your body, and the outcome of your sex life after childbirth. I have placed a diagram below that gives pointers on rising your libido! I hope this helps! Please comment below or feel free to add your input! You never know who you are helping by sharing your situation or experience!
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Peace & Blessings!