Ever felt stuck, like no matter what you did to move forward you could not budge? The inability to move on in life is something that a lot of us suffer from. It is not that we do not want change, or that we do not want to let go of whatever is holding us back, but there is sometimes a feeling that moving on means having to completely let go. In all honesty letting go is the hardest part of moving on. The inability to move on can affect your life in every aspect of—money, health, relationships, happiness, and in every interaction, you have in the world.
Staying in an unhappy place, living with regrets of your past, or holding on to trauma is easy because it allows you to stay stuck in darkness. Stagnation is easy, but Movement is hard. For over 9 years of my life, I was stagnated and stuck replaying trauma over in my head, replaying betrayals, allowing myself to suffer mentally, physically, and emotionally because of what had happened to me. Any time trauma came to visit me I would always sit in this place of sadness of weeks. It was as if I did not know the person looking back at me in the mirror.
Holding on to sad memories is like “insanity” no matter what it leads to the exact same outcome. Like that of a hamster on a hamster will, there is really no opportunity to move forward. Instead of moving forward you continue in the cycle of hurting yourself by staying attached to your past. Although you can not control the memories that may occur, but you can attempt to cut of the emotional attachment that you have with that memory. For example, if you were abused as a child instead of continuously focusing on the abuse, try recognizing that those unhappy feelings are of the past & you can create a stronger and better you simply because you survived that abuse. Looking at the positives of the worst events in our life helps to better accept & move forward.
Eckhart Tolle -the most popular spiritual author in the United States, according to the New York Times- once said, “There is a fine balance between honoring the past and losing yourself in it. You can acknowledge and learn from the mistakes you made and then move on. It’s called forgiving yourself.” To move on you must reassess your relationship with your past. You are not the first person, and you will not be the last person to have a bad past. Also, nothing that has happened in your past is your fault, and if it was your fault accept your role in the situation and forgive yourself.
The inability to move on from the past will only hold you back from the present! Your present is more important than your past. Everyday is a new beginning, and only you oversee your story. Write you beginning & ending however you please. I suggest the 4 books listed below to assist with you journey of moving forward. Each book are books I have personally read that helped me see my trauma and past in a different light.