November is supposed to be the month of “NO”vember, and if you are not aware of the meaning, it stems from the opinion that November is the month of saying no to people, places, and things that drains your energy. I told myself in October, September, August, and even my birth month of July that “this month will be all about me”, “I will only focus on myself & my happiness” … If I am being honest with myself, I say this every single month. Each month I end up stretched thin because I am too busy helping others and not myself. I am a Cancer, and I am naturally an empathic person. I can sense when others are hurting, and I always have this Superwoman persona and I want to save everyone but myself!
I asked myself yesterday, are you choosing yourself? And the honest answer is no! It is now the third week of November and I am a feeling stretched thin. My fear in saying NO is that I will hurt someone I love feelings, or what if that individual can not get help elsewhere, or what if they desperately needed my help more than I know… Should I just stop what I am doing and help them just because they are needing me? I deal with depression, anxiety, and PTSD on the regular. On top of my mental health, I also have some physical ailments that flare up and all those factors together drains me emotionally. I have become conscious of when I overdue for others it is cause me to feel emotionally drained, physically hurt, and mentally not okay… It feels great and rewarding to help others, but I accept that I am not a Superwoman and I cannot save everyone I love. I had a major epiphany yesterday, and it me lead me to the realization that I can no longer be a lifeguard, counselor, financial advisor, confidant, or hero to anyone else, before I am those things for myself
The biggest issue in changing this is that I know the process of stepping back will not happen overnight, but I am setting a goal for the rest of the year to focus on saying NO more often, and focus on my needs & wants before I focus on others. People who genuinely love you will understand that you must put yourself first. People in your life who are self-centered and co-dependent will become upset about you choosing yourself first, do not let that deter you from your goal…Because sometimes people, places, and things that drains your energy must be removed. If you are not ready to remove a person, then simply give them a break from your day-to-day life. It may be family, friends, co-workers, over-eating, drinking, smoking, social media, or a relationship. Whatever is depleting your energy or stopping you from choosing you please cut it/them off.
I challenge anyone reading this that may feel stretched thin, to pick YOU for the remaining of 2020! Say No and pick YOU! Do not feel guilty or pressured by others because you decide to focus on your mental, physical, and emotion health. Yes it is the holiday season, but who made a law that you must be surrounded with people during the holidays, who said you cannot cancel gift buying for everyone else and purchase yourself something you always wanted. For once put yourself first and update me in January 2021 to let me know how choosing you made your life better! I will be following up in January to personally let you know my results.